mychai's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How to REALLY piss off ol' JP I'm supposed to be writing a paper for my geography class. I am the Revered Minister Priest Rabbi of the Church of Procrastination. There will be no communion because I didn't get around to ordering the wine. I'm actually waiting for the PDF form to download. It must be bigger than Anna Nicole Smith's boobages. It has been five minutes since I clicked on the download button. Since I don't have much time to write, I am going to keep this entry super-duper short. Because as soon as I finish the paper, I'm hitting the hay. Why am I going to bed early, you ask? Well.... The scene: My bed, last night. It was 12:30, and I had dozed off into a beautiful dream sequance of Survivor. The immunity challenge had something to do with Sarah's breasts. At the time, the actual challenge didn't really matter. All I knew was I had to stare at her boobs for as long as possible. It was hell, I tell ya. Then, at around 1:30, my Roommate Chick opened my bedroom door. "Hey. You here?" She had done this before, but at that time I think she was high and forgot which room was hers. So, I just figured I would say something quick and simple -- "Yes," for instance -- and get her on her merry high way. So, I said "yes," and rolled over to get back to my boob observing. It was a dirty job, but I knew it had to be done. I then realized that she had more to say because her mouth kept moving and words kept coming out. "Well, I'm having a few friends over. Hope you don't mind." *slam* The slam was the sound coming from my quickly-shutting bedroom door. I quickly realized that whether I minded or not wasn't the issue. Nor was the issue that I had to be at work in 4 hours. Nor was the issue that no less than 10 drunk, highly obnoxious people decided to invade MY house and play games like, "How loud can I sing," and "How many times can I slam the bathroom door." My favorite game, though, was the two VERY effeminate guys saying -- loudly -- "Look! Chess sets! Wanna play?" Lemme explain. I have a pretty decent collection of chess sets. Some marble, some not-so-marble. They are very expensive chess sets, as far as chess sets are concerned. One set, for instance, comes directly from Italy. It is made from the same marble that the statue of David was carved. Needless to say, these chess sets are to be looked at and not played with. That is why I have a plastic chess set. You can get pissed and throw those pieces around and there are absolutely no hard feelings. These guys didn't really grasp the fact that expensive things aren't to be tossed and banged around. For a good 30 minutes, I heard *Crash*, *clang*, *ding*, scrrrrrape*. That's when I had had enough. I got out of bed, walked into my kitchen, and told these guys, "PLEASE be careful with **MY** stuff." I then walked back into my room, but not before shooting a Tony Soprano "Who the FUCK do you think you are?" look at my roommate. Another hour later, I am still awake, and people are still screaming and singing. Then, one of the Effeminate Guys said to my roommate, "Hey. Tell your roommate to come back out here. He's cute!" I did get out of bed. I did go for a baseball bat. I was about to make a scene. I really was. But I counted to ten. Very, very slowly, I counted to ten. My teeth were gritting. My eyes were throbbing red. But I made it to ten. ... Why is it when I place an ad saying, "Roommate needed: Clean, nice, and personable," people seem to translate this Greek mumbojumbo as, "Roommate Needed: Smokes a lot, is inconsiderate, doesn't respect any of my things, and opens my mail." I just don't f'n get it. Oh. And to top things off: After tossing and turning allll night -- never getting to sleep -- I got up at 4am to see that my formerly white table cloth is now red and brown (from wine and God knows what), and my chess set wasn't placed back how I once had it. Pissed? More than you can imagine. Wanting to live alone again? Would be willing to cut off my right thumb to be that way again. Whew! Thanks for listening to me bitch. Tomorrow (or today, depending on when you read this) starts Diary Survivor. My suggestion for the game is that we all take pics of ourselves looking all Survivor-esque and posting them on the Diary Survivor website. Fellow contestants -- whatdya say? hehehe Let the games begin! 11:10 p.m. - Sun., Mar. 3, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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