mychai's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I did my income tax today... The following booklet will guide you through the steps of filling out IRS Form 1040X: Amended U.S. Individual Income Tax Return, OMB Number 1545-0091. You must fill this form out if, and only if: 1. You are head of household, and the average of your spouse and all dependents' ages is 16, including subtracting the age in human years of any pets (see table 24-1 on page 47) If your filing status is "married filing jointly," you are wasting your time. Unless you (and your spouse if married) were under 65 on or before January 1, and not blind at the end of 2001. If you forsee being blind at the end of 2003, you reserve the right to be prosecuted. Instructions: Print out all answers on a Lexmark #2 lead fountain pencil. Do not erase anything. No dashes, unless referring to specific government forms. No hyphens in any manner (See page 12). Fill in circles completely. But do not fill in boxes. They are for the express purpose of "checking." Do not lie. Complete workbook sections on pages 89-104 first before thinking of filling out line 1 on the actual form. After filling out all workbook questions to find the answer for line 1, only fill out even-numbered questions (beginning with line 5) until you have reached 4. Under "Income and Deductions" section, Line 2, do not put "Itemized" deductions in the "Standardized" deductions field. But you may put the "Standardized Deductions" under both the "Itemized" deductions and "Itemized Deductions" fields, unless you were born under a full moon. Make sure you subtract 10(a)LL-�-1 from line 2. Many people add. Before filling out much of the form, go online and do a Google search for "How to Fill Out Form 1040X." If you do not have internet access, send a self-addressed, stamped, pre-sorted, registered size #10 letter to your congressman. He'll know what to do with it. Under section 241(special section 'F'), entitled, "List all of your tips," DO NOT leave that line blank. Leave line 710 blank if you blink more than 14,400 times per day. Otherwise, list how many times you blinked last Thursday and supply verification. If we think you are fibbing, you will be audited. If your children are dependents, leave line 13 blank. If they are not dependents, fill out the workbook on page 149. Failure to do so will result in death by fire squad. Add lines 59 and 10-F-lll(i). IF line 48 is greather than BUT NOT equal to line 88 in Leaflet 1088JQ then also add line 18. If it is equal OR MORE go back and start at the beginning because you did something wrong. Look for instructions for line 12. They are nowhere to be found. You must fill out line 12 -- and add certified documentation signed by two Jewish witnesses -- to receive any type of refund. If you need any assistance with this form, call 1-800-GOOD-LUCK. That number, for your convenience, is open every other Thursday for 10 minutes, we accept only one call, and it is usually from our mothers. Thank you for utilizing the Internal Revenue Service. We enjoy your business! I hope you had fun filling out our forms. Have a prosperous 2003. Failure to do so will result in prosecution with a maximum fine of $25,000 and 10 years in prison. 11:18 p.m. - Wed., Jan. 29, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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