mychai's Diaryland Diary

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JP and Tom Cruise are like **THAT**

I got a message in my guest book from someone I supposedly know from Mississippi. And he was rattling on about the Boy Scouts. Me did a little research.

Dude's gay.

Now, let me get all kinds of serious for a moment. I really, really, really don't mind if people are gay. It doesn't bother me a ne'er bit. I know I joke around a lot saying things like, "Really... I'm not gay." But if you want to be gay, go for it! I'm Mr. Tolerant.

Next... I earned my Eagle Scout when I was younger. It took a **LOT** of hard work. You wouldn't realize the amount of work it took to earn that little badge unless you went through it yourself. So, when someone comes along and demeans it, I kind of take it a bit personally.

The next part may offend you. Tough. It's my diary and I can say what I want. (Having said that, I can now say this: I am one sexy bitch!)

I do agree with the Boy Scouts that gay people should not be leaders of a troop of small boys. I know that gay men are NOT by nature child molesters. That has nothing to do with it. I just don't think young boys should be exposed to that kind of pressure at such a young age. I know I had better things to worry about when I was 13 than wondering about the sexuality of the man who was to lead me many miles into wilderness.

Whew! Had to get the seriousness out of my system!

Did you see the telethon last night? I sure did! I watched the whole thing. I thought it was absolutely awesome. I had a few thoughts, though:

• The Boss is awesome. And it was nice seeing Stevie Van Zandt since the end of last season's Sopranos.

• Tom Petty is my musical god. He embodies everything kewl and awesome about rock to me. Listen to his album Wildflowers, especially the songs "Time to Move On" and "Wake Up Time." These are my anthems.

• I wanted to shove my leg as far down Mariah Carey's throat as possible. That and/or superglue her hands to her waist so she couldn't move her hands all around her body while doing that "Whoahoahoahoahoah" thing with her voice that seems to be popular these days. You know what I am talking about... making your voice do every note possible because it supposedly sounds good. It annoys the SHIT out of me. It's another reason why I wanna whack Christina Aguilera.

• Neil Young... hates the South. Therefore, the South hates him. And I gotsta stand by my Sweet Home Alabama! (though I am from Mississippi)

• I looooove me some Dixie Chicks. Well, I don't love them as much as your average fan because I can't recall their names. But the short one is one hottt sexy hottie. Her lips are definitely something to write home about.

• Is it me, or does Willie Nelson gain kewlness with every day he is alive? The end would have been absolutely perfect had Mariah Carey not chimed in her occasional "Whoaoahoah" and "Yeahyahyahayah" and "Iyieyieyie". Willie shoulda gotten up and smashed his guitar across her head and done us all a favor.

So, yeah, it was a great 2 hours of entertainment. If I woulda had some money, I would have called it in just so I could talk to someone famous. I woulda jizzed my pants had I talked to Robin Williams. Or maybe Tom Cruise:

"Yo! Mr. Cruise... Tom! Whazzup jazzboy?!"

"Hey, lookee here! It's JP! What-up J-dog?"

"Not much... Listen, I'm sorry to hear 'bout you and Nicole. Listen... it breaks my heart, man."

"No problem. I'm with Penelope now. She's got one nice rack on her!"

"Yeah... no LIE! Anyway, now that Nikki is single again, can I call her up and get me some Australian nookie?"

"Yeah! No problem with me, J-Dog! Send my regards! Oh, and I'll chunk in some money here and say it was from you. How's that?"

"Awwww... Thanks TC! You da man! One last thing?"

"Sure! Anything for the Paulster!"

"Take Mariah Carey out back and do somethin' with the crazy bee-otch. Give her to the fishes, capeesh?

"Consider it done."

"Boda-bing."

8:21 p.m. - Saturday, Sept. 22, 2001

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