mychai's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Listen up, girls! Ok, girls. Time for yer ol' buddy JP to sit you down and have a little heart-to-heart with all of yas. I've done had this talk with Spanish Speaking Neighbor's 12 year-old daughter. And that's about the target audience I am looking at here. So, if you are 12 to, oh, 25(!!!) listen up, because I'm only going to sit you down and tell you this once. Let's start at the beginning here: When a guy talks to you a lot, smiles when he sees you, and makes a special effort to get your attention, he probably likes you. Heck, he may even want to (gasp!) get to know you! So, if he asks for your number, it means he probably wants to call you. Sound easy enough to understand? Here's where the effort comes in on your part. If you don't want to get to know the young, good-looking chap, do NOT give him your phone number. Just say some kind of lie that both of you know is a lie. "Umm... My uncle is dying, and I have to keep my phone line open." Or, "They are working on my phone line, and they said if the phone rings and I pick it up, it could severly electrocute the engineer." That one is my personal favorite. But for christsakes... if you don't wanna talk to the boy, don't give him your number. Ok. Lesson number 2. Let's say a guy calls you and says, "Hey, Gerbes Girl. They are turning on the Christmas lights in downtown and are having a little festival to mark the occasion. Wanna go, see the lights, walk around, and have a good time getting to know each other?" Let's just say, by chance, you say something along the lines like "Yes." Then, let's suppose the guy follows it by, "Afterwards, I would love to cook dinner for you. Would you like that?" And by some stretch of the imagination, you say something like, "Wow! That would be nice! When?" And he should say something like, "Oh... how about 7pm?" "Sure!" "Great! I'll pick you up at (insert location here)!" "Ok. See you at 7:00," you say. First tidbit of the way guys think: this confirmation of you showing up for the date usually means YOU WILL SHOW UP FOR THE FUCKING DATE. It doesn't mean that you'll decide at some point during the day that you would rather not go out with him and then just not show. Lemme tell you why it is a bad idea for you to not show up for a date. Some guys really want to enjoy the time you spend getting to know one another. So, they actually put in a little thought in the date. Some guys actually plan a menu, buy wine and flowers, and clean things up. Some guys even do some minor prep work in the kitchen so all they have to do is throw a few things together, pop it in the oven, then voila! instant romantic meal. Ok. Final test time!!! (answers at the bottom) 1) When you don't show up for the date, guess who feels like a complete loser. 2) When you don't show up for a date, who gets stuck with a hefty food bill, and food goes to waste. 3) When you don't show up for a date, guess who feels like complete shit. 4) When you don't show up for a date, guess who wants to give up on girls. So, yeah... I was supposed to pick her up at school at 7:00pm. I got there at 6:50. I figured that, if she got out of class early, I didn't want her to wait. I had on the menu sauteed pork tenderloin with a portabello wine pan sauce served with a side of slow sauteed sage-herbed veggies. By 7:30, I figured she wasn't going to show. So, I came home and went over to Spanish Speaking Neighbor's apartment. She listened to me bitch and moan. And I had the above talk with her daughter. I don't think the daughter fully grasped what I was talking about. Oh, well. I came home, drank the wine, threw away the food, and crawled on my couch and watched my recorded Survivor and Drew Carey. It usually cheers me up. It didn't. Answers: They were all JP. Pretty easy, eh? Now go out in the world and not stand up any poor guy out there. One time, my sister got stood up by some guy. I saw how bad it crushed her, and so I went out and bought her some flowers to cheer her up. Sucks to live alone. I threw my flowers away. 1:35 a.m. - Friday, Nov. 16, 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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