mychai's Diaryland Diary

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A lot can happen when you sleep all day.

Number one: I wish facial hair was like "the thing" again, like it was in the 70s. Like big, fluffy mustaches and full-face beards. But I think Osama and his scraggly-faced brothas kind of nixed that. Thanks, Osama, for squashing one of my wishes.

Number two: If facial hair was back in, I wish I could grow it. If you are any kind of regular reader if this here diary, you would know that it is easier for little Billy Clinton to be faithful than it is for me to grow any kind of meaningful facial hair.

I dunno why I got to thinking about this. I get to wanting facial hair every now and then. Maybe it has something to do with those 2-minute commercials (something we call in the broadcasting industry as "spots") of "The Best Hits of the 70s".

Sometimes I wish the 70s would come back. The music was kewl. Everybody was allllll about free love (now you have to pay for it... sheesh). But I will have to admit that 70s wasn't all that great.

I mean... look at The Captain and Tennille. Not even gonna get *close* to them.

Been a very relaxing day. I slept until about 10am when Ben Stein and his chick-host woke me up.

I have never seen that show with the girl host. Sheesh... all she has for her is a nice set of boobs and a flirty nature.

The only reason I watched it in the first place was to see Jimmy Kimmel's quirky antics. With Boobie Chick chiming in with her unfunny, un-well-timed jokes, the show just sucks.

So don't watch it.

Anyway, I woke up and quickly changed channels. I got to thinking to my self. I said, "Self, you have a lot you could get done today. Let's get up, eat breakfast, and do the things that will greatly improve your life."

So, I did just that. Or most of that. I got up, ate some cereal, got inthralled in some shows I let TiVo record, then decided to shower.

Read: I got naked!

Then, I came back in my room, turned on the TV (while still in my towel) and saw that "The Muppets Take Manhatten" was on HBO. I decided to sit and watch for a bit.

Well... I decided to then lay down and watch for a bit.

Next thing I know, it is 3:30. Terra called just to say hello. As soon as I hung up with her, the kids came into my room: "Jon-Paul, take care of us. Mom's not home."

Thank God I was still under the covers. Because...

I was naked.

Ok. That sounds just wrong -- them being kids and all. But they didn't see my nakedness because I was under my covers. I told them to wait for me since I was "undressed." They went out and started playing in Roommate Chick's pot.

Not flower pot, cooking pot, potted plant, or pot pies.

Pot.

So, I gathered them up, took them over to their house, and the 5-year-old said to me (seriously):

"I'm kinda hungry!"

hehe Made me crack up.

No pun intended.

I don't mind people who smoke. My Good Friend Kourtney smokes, and I still love her to death. I smoke a pipe every now and then. And there's not much better to do at the casino while playing craps than smoking a big stogie.

Heck, even my mom smoked while carrying me.

And my Idiot Pregnant Sister. She smokes, too. Pot, even. I still love her.

And I told Roommate Chick -- while in a state of desperateness -- that I didn't mind if she smoked. And I don't.

But I forgot how smoke tends to stick on everything. I tend to shut myself in my room while she smokes. I feel like an anti-social idiot. But smoke makes me cough.

So does pot.

I'm planning on going to get an air filter. Not out of disrespect. I know Roommate Chick sometimes reads this, so I'm not doing it out of disrespect. Just out of my own anal-retentive sanity.

From the JP-Land news desk:

First there was Superman. Then came along Batman. Mr. Clean flooded in somewhere in there. And Richard Simmons, though barely a "man," still gets a lot of attention.

And now, there is:

POLYP MAN

It's the American Cancer Society and Ad Council's approach to making people (mostly older people, mind you) to go out and get a baseball bat with an attatched camera shoved up their patootie to make sure they aren't developing any cancers.

First off, this is just wrong.

Secondly... Doesn't Polyp Man look more like "Hemorrhoid Man?" And why is he wearing glasses? Hard to see up there? And shouldn't he be brown?

Third... If I was 50 and haven't had any kind of recto-colon exam, I doubt that some cartoon bouncing around my TV screen -- he doesn't look like he is going to be running anywhere, and flying is out of the question -- will prompt me to suddenly get off my ass and see a doctor.

Honestly, the only thing I look forward to when I think of colon exams is when they give me sedative drugs. I think that would be fun.

I made some telemarketer's day today. He called and said, "Congratulations! You have qualified for free installation and 3 half-priced months of digital cable!"

I didn't hang up like I usually do. But I said, "I don't want digital cable. BUT, I would be interested in your cable internet services."

After he picked himself off the floor, he took my information and we chatted for a bit, he then told me that they are changing ISPs and that I will have to wait until March 1st before I get all hooked up.

Dammit.

Those telemarketers. They'll find any and every way to bend you over and screw you up the ass.

Wow. I think that's it. My mind is now empty. If you think I don't get anything out of this diary, you are wrong.

Things are well. Thanks for asking.