mychai's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why I hate basketball. Yes, I said hate. Um, um, um. That Jaki. She sure knows how to write an entry a guy can really appreciate. If *I* was the judge and *she* was the contestant, she would get total immunity from me. But that's not the case. In fact, I have a weird feeling that the game is falling apart. We have people dropping out, for goodness sake. You don't see that on the TV version, ffs. But I'm glad I'm still in. I'm playing till the end. Well, until I get voted off, whichever comes first. Well, Missouri didn't get into the Fantasy Four or whatever the hell the basketball term is. Personally -- and I know I'll be blasted by all of my friends who reads this -- I couldn't be happier. Me? I hate basketball. abhor, abominate, despise, detest, execrate, loathe it. And that is my opinion of the game while holding back some of my feelings. Why do I feel this way? I think my answer is too in-depth to just answer that one question. So, we will have a little JP "Q&A." I'll ask the questions, and I will answer them. Sounds fair to me. When your average person on the street asks why you dislike basketball, what do you say? I say that it is the sport for the people who took IQ tests and failed. I say that it is the most retarded sport in alllll the land. It was the first sport we learned as babies: place the round object in the round hole. Why we don't pay our babies $20 million a year to do the same thing, I dunno. What an ignorant answer. What are you -- a dufus? That has yet to be determined. But, yeah, that is an ignorant answer. All sports are pretty dumb when you get down to it. But you asked what I tell the average Joe when he asks me why I dislike basketball. You didn't ask me to explain myself. Will you ex-- A lot of it has to do with my original answer: A guy carries a ball 84 or 94 feet across the court. Puts it in the basket. Ball goes to other team. Rinse, wash, repeat. There is one big rule: keep your hands to yourself. Do the players understand this rule? I have grown to seriously doubt it. See... when you do something wrong with your hands -- hitting your opponent, for instance -- you get this thing called a 'foul.' You then get opportunities for 'free throws.' MOST basketball scores I see are games that are won by only a few small points. Here's my hint at strategy for the game: keep your f'n hands to yourself. If your team got none of these aforementioned fouls, and the other team got a lot, you would probably score more points at the end of the game. Nine times out of 10, that means you won. Actually... Yes. I know. I was being facetious. And yes, I know there is a bit of strategy in the foul. But I still insist that the team who fouls less wins more. So, they can't follow the rules of the game. I can see how that could annoy you. Everyone messes up every now and then. Yeah. But what gets me is that basketball -- like way too many other sports -- allows the players to break the rules with far too few consequences. And I'm not just talking about using your hands while playing the game. Last weekend, we were broadcasting an NBA game at the station where I work. They announcers showed this clip of a player who got mad, went to the media line, grabbed a monitor, and threw it across the court. If I did this at *my* job, I would be fired at the very least. I'd probably have to pay for the monitor. This dimwit? The announcers were bitching because he was suspended for *gasp* 2 games and fined some small amount. But that was one player-- heh. I could go on... My point is... you can't judge an entire game by only a minority of its players. Here's my argument: When an organization sees deplorable behavior of any kind and accepts it -- accepting it, in my book, means not punishing the person or punishing them just enough to say they punished them -- the entire organization must absorb the disgrace of the behavior it allows. Take this weak coward, embarrassment of a human bobby knight (yes, his name isn't capitalized on purpose). Not only does the entire basketball community allow his despicable behavior, but they allow it. Sure, he was fired from his college job. But he wasn't out of a job long. Personally, I don't want to be associated with any kind of activity that allows such cowardice. Wow. Strong words. Anything else urk you about the game? Oh. Many. I've seen these guys run up to each other, jump, slap chests, and land back on their feet. But if they lightly brush against someone's arm, they fall down and cry like a ninny. The announcers and sports casters mention baskets made as "Points made from the field." Where else can they make them? Players have "field positions." Yet every time I watch, they are allll over. And whoever feels they can make a basket, they trow the ball. I think the "field positions" are there just so the announcers can have something else to talk about. I heard one NBC announcer -- the one who scrunches his face when he talks -- go on this loooong spiel with diagrams and graphics about how Team A could beat Team B. To end his speach, he said, "To narrow it all down, Team A needs to make more baskets from the field in order to win this game." No. F'n. Duh. So, basically, you think basketball is stupid and a big fat shame? Ummmmm.... Yep. You sayin' I'm stupid and shameful for liking basketball? Is that what you sayin', punk? No. Not at all. It is perfectly okay for you to like basketball. In fact, I encourage you to like basketball. It allows me to get away from you for a few hours a week, even though you are really just me but in bold letters. But seriously, to each his own. But just don't come to me and say, "Did you see 'The Game?'" and expect me to 1) know what game you are talking about, and 2) expect me to brag about how he put Ball 'A' into Slot 'B'. Simply put: I. Don't. Care. What sports do you like? I tend to like less main-stream sports like ping-pong and track and field. I do enjoy baseball, but only if I am there at the actual game. I suspect that I like the sights, sounds, smells, and people watching more than the actual game, though. And the fact that I always go with my best good friends doesn't hurt the memories of baseball games. Ping pong? What are you, some kind of girlie twit? I once played ping pong with one of the most beautiful girls I have ever met. She had a British accent. The next day, I played with a ping pong team from Taiwan. Sometimes I won. Sometimes I lost. But never in my life have I ever felt so attached to a sport. Coo, man... Coooo So, there ya have it. Why I dislike basketball. I'm sure to get flamed by my thoughts. And I don't really mind. If you want to email me about how ignorant and stupid I am, please at least make some kind of intelligent argument. I'll respond to you if I feel you put some thought into it. Well, I am off to watch the rest of Actor's Studio on Bravo. Mike Meyers. Cracks my shit up. Two quick observations, though. They bleeped out the word "fart," but they left in the word "titties." I always thought titties was worse than fart. My manners book must be backwards. I mean, you aren't going to say either one at a Victorian tea party: "Oops! I farted and subsequently spilled tea on my titties!" And finally: Mike's wife is a hottie! 9:06 p.m. - Sun., Mar. 24, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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