mychai's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- All I'm asking is for people to be considerate. Just so you keep updated on all of your important dates... My birthday is two months from yesterday. It seems like a pattern has been forming around the time of my birthday. It has happened the past two years. Now, I wouldn't call two consecutive occurances an "official" pattern. Two occurances would be more like a coincidence. If it happens this year, I will know for sure that God is out to get me. The pattern? Major news events happen around my big day so to spoil everyone's excitement about JP Day. Let's look at the past few years, shall we? Last year, some guys pulled some big idea out of their ass to fly fully-loaded airplanes into our most notable buildings. This, in effect, pretty much bummed everyone out and made them mad. So, when it came time to sing Happy Birthday To JP, everyone was singing it while watching the TV and not watching me. Then, two years ago, everyone was still celebrating my big day by keeping their grooves on, doing little dances, making little loves, and otherwise getting down. My birthday is a big bash, it is. Then our guvnah, Mel Carnahan, had to go and test his single-engine airplane's capacity for flying through hillsides. Most people fly *over* them, so you have to give the guy credit for trying something new. But yada yada yada... his plane failed the test and he was flung into heaven at around 180 knots. That kinda bummed the world out about my birthday. So, everyone collectively cross your fingers in hopes that the world will be a wonderful, beautiful place for the next two months. And I will go repent for my terrible selfishness. I went and saw Signs last night. And I think I may stop going to see movies in the theater. My last several experiences have been shit. Let's use last night as an example, shall we? I went with a rather large group, all of us my age to upper-20s. I head the group into the seating row, getting all of us sat on the same row. This means that I have to sit next to two girls -- one of the girls looks like Weird Al, the other one really needing to use two seats instead of one. She put Monica Lewinski to shame. Being the polite and considerate person I am, I asked if it was ok that I could sit beside her. "Ok, but don't hog the arm rest," she said in a really loud, bitchy voice. She and Weird Al Girl continued to talk during the previews. Though I would rather people not do this, they are only the previews and not the actual movie, so I just ignore it. They jibbered through "The Hulk." They jabbered through, "Tuck Everlasting." I leaned over and said, "Ya know... that's one letter away from a porno." They laughed and flailed their arms. My friend slapped me. It was one of the rare times where my comedic timing was just right. Then the movie started. They kept talking. They got into this shushing contest where one would go, "Shh." Then the other would laugh and giggle and go "Shh." Ad nausium. And they literally talked, laughed, chit-chatted, and did whatever two ugly girls do while others are trying to watch a movie. I did all of the obligatory "shut the hell up" things you do in a movie: slight, over-the-shoulder look; full-fledged glance; the lean up and turn around look. I even did the Mike patented "cough and spit on them technique," all to no avail. Then, during a particular tense part in the movie -- the part where Mel Gibson's character gets mutilated and thrown aside like dirty underwear -- Weird Al Girl was laughing very, very loudly. That's when I got pissed. I leaned up, turned to face them, and said the mean, harsh words of, "Could yall hold it down a bit?" When I get mad, my Southern accent comes out clean and twangy. In hindsight, I think I sounded like a friggin idiot. But the girls finally shut the hell up. And then, some girl on another row decided she would take all of the calls that came in through her cell phone. Most people with half a brain either don't bring their cells in to the movie (which is what I did), or they turn them off. Not the half-brained nitwit on the row in front of me. Not only did she forget to turn it off, but she wanted to answer every call coming in. I'm going to start taking rotten eggs with me to the movie. Every time a phone rings, they are getting a rotten egg hair rinse courtesy of the JP. Speaking of Tuck Everlasting, Rory from Gilmore Girls plays in it. She is absolutely stunning. Which I can say because she is 20 and not as young as her Gilmore persona. And her hair in that movie is to die for: long, brown, curly. Oi. Still haven't heard back from the recruiter about my waiver. All I know is that I will have to go back to MEPS and not Scotts AFB like I was hoping. And there is a chance that, after inspecting my eyes, they will have to send all of that information BACK to Washington for another waiver application. Which means it could be yet another up-to-45-days of sitting and waiting. I don't mind the sitting and waiting. I am not planning on entering until January anyway, so I will be sitting and waiting by default. But I have a lot of things going on in the next five months that I am having to put the planning on hold just because I'm not sure how this whole Air Force bid is going. If they deny my waiver, then I will need to do a 180 and completely change my plans. I've already decided that, if that happens, I will go to grad school at the university, taking on foreign language. This whole translator gig sounds like fun. Maybe Russian girls aren't as picky as American ones. Well, that's it for me. Keep an eye on this diary over the weekend. I talked with the online people at work, and they agreed to put my Pepper & Friends segment on RealPlay format. This means that all of you will get to watch my cooking segment! I bet you are all nashing at your teeth because you haven't gotten to see it yet. Well, your chance is finally coming. Aren't you excited? JP Sidenote:The thing I said about Mel Gibson's character in the movie was fake. Made it up. Didn't really happen. So, don't email me saying I ruined the movie. Unless it really did happen, in which case you can email me saying that. Maybe it did. Maybe it didn't. Go watch and see for yourselves. 10:36 p.m. - Thurs., Aug. 15, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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