mychai's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sad Have you ever been so hurt, sad, confused, angry, aggrivated, disappointed, stressed to the point your stomach felt nauseous, to the point where you could only breathe shallow breaths, where sweat formed on your brow in a cold room, where you felt like you could spend the rest of your life sitting on a toilet, when all you can think about is what is happening and how terrible and worthless it made you feel, how disposable you see yourself, how ridiculously and irrationally shitty your life has boiled down to, how you can feel like a bad decision, a mistake in the grand scheme of things, a mistake in the not-so-grand scheme of things, a stain on the carpet that needs to be hidden by the ugly armoir, a second-hand thought, dust in the cupboard, the stench in your fridge, the way you feel when your brand new suit gets splashed by mud, when you show up at the movies and she never does, when your pet loves someone else, when your best friend finds a new best friend, ugly, a pimple on prom night, the bum who knows the secret but nobody cares, not good enough, not good enough, NOT GOOD ENOUGH, too tired to stay awake but afraid what you will dream, tired of dreaming the good dreams, feeling like even your parents love you just because of some regretful commitment made 27 years ago. Do you ever feel that way? I do. Right now. And it sucks. 2:21 a.m. - Friday, Aug. 06, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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