mychai's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How things panned out. Hey guys. I�m back in limited � but improving � form. Here is a quick wrap-up of what happened over the past few days. I think I told you that I gave her forty-eight hours to fess up to him. Well, to my complete surprise, she didn�t wait until the last minute but instead told him well within twenty-four hours. But when I asked her how he took it � believing that this was going to finally become a �normal� situation with �normal� reactions to things � she said that he wasn�t exactly happy, but he was ok and still wanted to be in her life. Now, I am a pretty forgiving guy. And I can tolerate a lot of things. But if I was engaged, and my fianc�e just informed me that I was not the father of the child inside of her, I don�t think I would be �ok� with things. In fact, I would be on Ebay pawning off a slightly used engagement ring. So, on Monday, I sent Ol� Boy an email telling him I would like to talk about things. Alone. Mano o mano. He showed up at 11:00 with Roach. I invited the two in, and I opened up the whole conversation. Basically, he was clueless. Roach came with him to, I�m guessing, try to keep me from saying the real truth. He wasn�t too happy when I told him what really happened. And Roach stormed out crying. I told him the whole story about how she never wore her ring, how she let on that they broke up, how she told me how much she hated him and was so happy with me. He was in shock and disbelief. He told me he would come back after work with Roach in tow and we would get to the bottom of things. Well, show up he did. But somehow, between lunch and 3:30, Roach had convinced him that I was a compulsive liar and made every word of it up because I was in love with her and wanted them to break up. She blatantly lied through her teeth, while looking me in the eye. She denied everything she had ever said to me, everything we had done together. And he believed every word of it. And in his eyes, I was some jackass guy who was trying to mack on his old lady and was spreading lies to damage his and her reputation and relationship. When I sat and thought about this, there are some serious parallels between what happened here and what happened with Mandy the Psycho Lesbian Ex. Sidenote: I got word yesterday that Mandy the Psycho Lesbian Ex is doing quite well and is living the happy lesbian life. In a weird and twisted way, I am happy for her. I hope she continues to do well. What I mean is, Mandy and Roach were both people who stated that they wanted really long-term relations with me, that they were loyal and committed to me, and that they were completely happy in our relationship. Mandy and Roach both, within a VERY short period, completely turned everything against me and suddenly hated my guts enough to completely demolish me. Both of them became radically different basically overnight. It absolutely blows my mind that someone could do something like that. I cannot fathom how someone could stand not ten feet away from a person they told twenty-four hours earlier that they loved and needed him, and then, within a day, tell him in so many words that they hate him and his presence disgusts them. It is beyond my comprehension. I think I could grasp the idea of Quantum limited interferometry or understand exactly how a chimpanzee sees the world much quicker than I can understand how someone can completely flip like that in a day. I�m in awe. Complete awe. I am just speechless. And a little surprised at my luck. I didn�t find just one person in the world who could do this, but I found both of them. Buy me a lottery ticket. So, that�s where I am today. Physically speaking, of course. If I didn�t think that was my little one in her belly, I wouldn�t give to farts if she fell from the fourth floor and died a very painful, gruesome death. As much as I want a kid of my own, things would be much better if everything she told me was a complete lie and that baby was likely his. I want him to continue on with his plans to marry her. I want him to see what it is like to have lies and deception as the absolute foundation of a marriage. I want him to look back and say, �Damn. JP wasn�t lying.� Oh. I forgot to mention how both of them stood there and told me how psychotic and obsessive I was for wanting to go to every doctor�s visit and wanting to be there with the baby every minute I wasn�t working. Ol� Boy even said he would help me get professional help if I wanted it. This is the kind of bullshit I had to deal with yesterday. Fuck me running if I want to be a good and involved father. And hell yes, when I have a kid of my own, I am going to be obsessive with his or her welfare and upbringing. You can bet the bank on that. So, how am I doing? A little better. I am still crushed with the things she said to me. I am still in awe and in disbelief that people like her exist. I can�t express in words how much I just can�t believe someone like that can exist. You can�t make people like that up. I am slowly slipping back into the non-feeling, untrusting, cynical-about-love JP that you all have grown to know and enjoy over the many years. I�ll be completely back to normal within a few weeks. Sorry something like this has had to come along and ruin all of your fun. Maybe you all could help me with a little bit of dream analysis. I have been having a recurring dream over the past two or three months. I have been having it at least twice a week. That is, if I have actually been sleeping. Over the past two weeks, I had one dream that I can recall, and it was this dream. I wrote about it a while ago, but I keep having it. The setting has usually been some kind of summer camp or some kind of retreat in a natural area. Usually a lot of trees and forests around. Lots of log cabins. You�ve been there before. With me is my old friend from childhood. Her name is Kate, and we literally grew up together. We were best friends from the time we were toddlers up to the years that high school sends people their own ways. We used to spend the night at each others� homes, we never missed one another�s birthday. I still remember her birthday, and I will never forget her old phone number. But we are both of current age, and we are at this outdoor setting together. And we are completely in love and want to get married. We cannot let go of one another, and we cannot wait to reveal this love to our parents. We know they are going to be so happy. In one dream, we talk about how beautiful our children are going to be. We talk about how storybook our story is. And that�s where the dream ends. Every time. It isn�t a sexual dream at all. I just end up thinking about the dream and/or her all day long. When I finally start to lose the effects of the dream, I have it again. And again. And again. So, what does it mean? Any ideas would be appreciated. Ok. This entry is freaking long. Hopefully it will be the last long one for a while. The shorter the entries, the better the days. I hope you are having a good week. Keep in touch! 12:38 a.m. - Wednesday, Aug. 18, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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