mychai's Diaryland
Diary
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I probably should have died...
At the sound of the beep, it will be Thursday: Beeeeeep.
So, the attorney's visit went well. He basically said that, unless our relationship magically becomes cordial over the next four months, the next eighteen years will be lawsuit after lawsuit after ugly lawsuit. But he basically said that until the kiddo is born, there is not much we can do. He said he will research more for what we can do pre-birth, but for now I should just sit tight. He's thinking I can maybe file a lawsuit to order a blood test drawn up before a birth certificate is even made. I will probably do that. I'm just thankful I have free legal help whenever I need it. And the legal office literally shares the same parking lot as the weather building. You may not become rich by being in the military, but the amount of money you save on the many benefits is worth a small fortune.
I've spent the day reading comments from this blog. It's about how the world is a much safer -- and much more boring -- place for kids these days. He basically posts the question: What did you do as a kid that you would never let your kid do today? It got me to thinking of all of the things I pulled as a kid/teenager and never died -- and probably should have. And because I like lists... - The requisite bottlerocket wars, although my experiences with the bottlerockets were pretty tame. My best boy Marcus and I used to sit out on his front lawn about 25 feet from one another, sit with three or four packs of bottlerockets, and talk about life, girls, philosophy, and religion while taking turns shooting a rocket at one another. We'd occasionally get a good laugh when one would pop close to one of us. But then we'd go right back to shooting explosives at one another.
- Nobody my age growing up wore helmets when riding bikes. One time, I was going down a hill in my neighborhood and popped a wheelie. When my front wheel cleared the road, it went off in a completely different direction than I was going, and I had a quickly descending front end of a bicycle nearing the asphalt going 15mph. I left a skidmark on the road of knee and hand skin. I think I cussed for the first time when flying through the air.
- I routinely jumped off of peoples' houses. A good friend of mine, Josh Mars, lived way out in the boonies and had a huge barn with lots of hay stored inside. The barn had a loft that was at least 25 feet above the hay. That was a good fall.
- We also used to sit in the hay -- among tons of hay -- and play with fire. Dry hay burns like gasoline.
- I used to play with a 2-gallon jug of gasoline all of the time. One time, I thought it would be neat to pour a small stream of gas on a small pile of burning leaves. You know... to watch fire spatter around like it was spewing from the ground. I didn't realize that the flame would shoot up the stream of gas into the gas jug. My arm was engulfed in a ball of fire. I have no clue at all how I escaped that without barely a singed hair on my right arm.
- My best friend as a kid, Colby, and I wanted to see how deep we could dig a hole. We got so far down that normal ground level was above our heads. This is in South Mississippi, home of the four-foot water table. It's a wonder it didn't cave in and bury us alive.
- I had an air rifle growing up and loved shooting things at close range with the maximum number of "pumps" put into the gun. If you shot my driveway at just the right (steep) angle with a lead pellet, it would make that "zeeyoww" sound you hear in the movies. Fortunately, it didn't ricochet back into my eye.
- I once caught my dad's elephant grass on fire. And since it was right next to the light pole, I caught that on fire as well.
- I used to play in a nearby cow field full of horny bulls. They didn't like small boys in their space. Part of the fun was seeing how close you could get to them before they started chasing you.
- I had a chemistry set growing up that was lots of fun. I made fumes so corrosive that paint would peel off of my walls. You can't buy those sets anymore.
There is more -- much more -- but I am out of time. Leave a comment telling me some of the stuff you have done that should have killed you. Until then... Tchu�!!!
2:12 p.m. - Thursday, Dec. 02, 2004
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