mychai's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Newsletter for God, but I'll let you read.

Ok. Time for yer old buddy JP to do some nitpicking. It's something I have to do every now and then. Y'see... God gave me the horrible task of keeping the world in order. So, consider this my Letter to the Editor of Life. It's printed in Heaven's weekly newsletter. Sorry... I don't know the title of that.

Ok... I think "Steven" from the Dell commercial is gay. You know who I am talking about, right? Steven... the very "Average American boy" guy from all of the Dell commercials. The one that looks like a Backstreet Boy.

Anyway, have you seen the one where "Mrs. Lindsey" and "William" are walking through Wal-Mart, and out pops Homo. Then he proceeds to whip It out and almost lay It in William's hands for William to touch and fondle while Steven talks about how Dell computers make him goo.

Yeah... Kinda gross. They should be playing that generic gay porn music.

Y'know... the kind of music I imagine they would play in gay porn. Because, really, I have no clue what kind of music they play.

That would make the commercial complete.

Really. I'm not gay. Kourtney, sign the Damn Guestbook and tell everyone I'm not gay.

Ok. For all of you Diaryland youngins. Yeah, I'm a-talkin' to you. Only if 'you' are 15 and think that the whole world revolves around you and your horrible life and how Melissa makes fun of you at school.

I want to make a few notes on the chick Micah. Her latest entry is a suicide note. Listen, buck-o. Diaryland isn't the *BEST* place to leave a suicide note. It's a place, sure. But not the best. Why, you ask? Because, chances are, you haven't told a soul you know about your diary. And the purpose of suicide notes are for.... what? Telling every soul you know how shitty you feel.

That and, "Don't take too many asprins as it will do this to you."

So, it is for this reason that I think -- no... I know that you didn't really kill yourself. So, just come clean, Micah.

Uh, tell 'em Micah.

Micah?

Dear God... Please bless Hy-vee. Why? I went today to their Grand Opening. They had food samples coming out the wazoo. When you are broke because you

DON'T HAVE A ROOMMATE,

tons of food samples makes one hell heck of a dinner. Especially when you threw in the whole "Wine Sample Guy" in the mix. And he sure was intent on giving me some wine. "Drink more! Ever had this kind of Pinot Noir? No? Here's a Big Ass Gulp of it. Drink! Drink!"

I was so buzzed after getting away from him I had to stay an extra 30 minutes just to walk off the wine. Ah, the magic in their advertisements. I ended up buying a gallon -- yes, folks, a GALLON, of Arizona Green Tea with gensing ginseng that root that makes you all giddy and honey. I love the stuff. I usually buy the single bottles, but I had just had three bottles of wine, and a gallon of green tea was sounding damn good.

So, I took it to the register, checked out, got in the car, opened the sumbitch, and drank about half of it on my way home.

And green tea makes you potty.

School starts for me on Tuesday. I hope I meet some new friends at school. But I sure as hell don't hope their name is Melissa and that they make fun of me.

Well, I am typing this on my laptop, and the battery is about to die. Also, Arizona green tea is wanting to become JP Yellow Tee-Tee.

Tchu�.

9:26 p.m. - 2001-08-17

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next