mychai's Diaryland Diary


More information about my butt (in case you were wondering)

Hey, folks!

I figured I should update to get the hemmoroid post off of the main page. Now, I'm going to have to update again just to get this post off because it mentions the word "hemmoroid".

Since I will have to update anyway, I'll tell you what all happened with that.

I went to the doctor the Friday after that post, and he did the finger exam (spread cheeks and all) and said, with a little surprise in his voice, "Wow! Those are bad." He immediately scheduled me for surgery, and to the knife my butt went.

Which was fine for me. This was the second time I had that kind of surgery, so I knew what was coming. And I knew I was going to get off of work for the night. So, I was all for the surgery.

Oh, and the problem was going to go away. That's another reason to like the surgery.

They actually tape your butt cheeks apart. They get looooong pieces of tape and attach one end to your butt cheek and the other end to the bottom of the table. Then they do the same thing to the other cheek. It's quite a humiliating experience. But if you are in pain for weeks, you'll do just about anything.

The worst part of the whole surgery is the numbing agent. For those of you who have had to go through any kind of oral procedure, you know how terrible it is to have a needle shoved deep into your gums. It hurts from the needle. It burns from the agent. It just sucks.

But let me tell ya. Getting that treatment in your bunghole is a thousand times worse. I've had both experiences. Believe me.

Whatever they do down there after I am all numbed up is beyond me. I usually sit and count floor tiles. But whatever they do is pretty much out of my control and really, of no interest to me. But I tell you this, it is a work of miracles. It is instant relief. I am completely over the surgery in about twelve hours. And all is almost forgotten in 24 hours.

What did the cavemen do about hemmoroids? Poor guys. In fact, I bet every caveman had hemmoroids. You never see a really happy caveman. They are always hunched over and walk funny. They are grumpy and just want to get the job done and lay down. And when they run, they just kinda hobble.

I do believe we've hit upon something here!

I move out of the dorms here in about three weeks. On the 24th of February. It could not possibly come sooner.

The house we got is a 1,300 square foot pleasure palace.

The third floor is a studio, and we are going to set that whole floor up as a fun room and a hobby room. We are going to set up a bar and have a TV with X-Box, a card table, poker chips, board games, and all kinds of other fun things. I'm also going to set up a little photography studio, complete with backdrop and all kinds of lighting. I could really get into doing professional portrait photography, and I think I could make at least a semi decent living doing it.

Plus, I can work at home, which is ultimately what I want.

I have learned something over the past 11 years I have been in the adult world: I don't play well with others. And by others I mean "people in authority." I am not one who can easily deal with bosses and the many layers of management. If I don't want to do a job in any particular way, I want to be able to do it my way without having to ask someone if I can.

And I don't like having to do exercise at 5:00am. If I'm ever my own boss, the first rule will be "No exercising unless it is light out. Unless you want to go for a walk after dinner, then it's ok."

So, yes. We are very excited about the move. Three weeks and counting. Weeee!

Oh! I sold a whole series of articles to the Picayune newspaper. I won't make a fortune off of them, but it is something recent to put in my resume. And it will be enough money to eat several really nice meals with the lady. It won't be peanuts, but it won't be a fortune.

It's my first paid freelance job. It fulfills my new year's resolution, though now I want more. I have five query letters out proposing article ideas. The articles span from military weather to Germany's legal prositution.

It's a review piece.

I kid, I kid.

Hopefully I can get several more jobs throughout the year. I'll keep you posted.

Well, that's it for this edition. Since things are starting to move quickly for moving and towards the wedding, I will begin to update more.

That's a promise.

And if I get hemmoroids again, you'll be the first to know.

9:48 p.m. - Tuesday, Feb. 01, 2005


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