mychai's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Miracles and near perfection abound I think it was a little more than a month ago when I called home to talk to my mom and sister. They were on separate phones in the house, and we were talking about everything going on in each others' lives. Your average call home. We then began discussing my sister's pregnancy. I never could remember her due date, and I asked her for the last time. "April 28," she said. "No. That's wrong," I said. "Your baby will come April 18." It just popped into my head. Out of nowhere. A good month or more ago. I told them that I would even put money on April 18. They thought I was crazy. "You so cray-zee!" my mom and sister said in good Shanaynay style. Actually, they didn't say that. I'd have to slap them around if either one of them said that. But today, after I got home from the recruiter's office (more on that below), I had a message on my answering machine from my mother saying that my sister's water had just broken. It is now 9:40. I called about an hour ago, and the sister is having bad contractions but is doing well. The epidural was soon to be inserted. I asked my mom to tell my sister to keep that baby sucked in for another three hours before she spits it out. I want to win me some money on the baby pool! I wish I was there. My sister's an idiot, sure. But I love her. And she told me that I am the only person she really looks up to. It sucks that I am 12 hours away from experiencing the miracle of my family growing. I sometimes experience guilt spawning from being so far away from home. Will I regret living away from my parents when they are no longer alive? I sometimes wonder. If something happens to the family, will I be able to drive 12 hours safely to be at their side? As much of a free spirit that I am, I also miss home sometimes. Homesickness does not heal with age. In certain ways, I think it gets worse as you get older. So, I am trying to get as many updates as possible. I told my mother to video as much as she could so I can see what all happened. "But don't tape any of her patootie parts," I said. That would be a bit awkward next time I saw my sister. Normally on Wednesdays, I get to sleep in late. Late, as in like nine or ten o'clock. On a good week. But today, I had to be at my Air Force recruiter's office at 7:15, which had me getting out of bed at around 6:30. This is still late compared to my 4:15am mornings on work days. Today was ASVAB test day. You know... the military aptitude test. It was in Jeff City at 9:00. You know military people... always wanting to get to places on time. Which will be my BIGGEST challenge, by far, if I join the military. I will probably be late to my own funeral. That would be kind of funny, in a way. I should put in my will, "Make sure casket doesn't arrive at the funeral until 20 minutes after it is scheduled to start. Tell mourners I spilled some coffee and had to go change." Everyone would have a good laugh. I rode down there with a bunch of high schoolers, as well as my co-recruiter. It was an interesting drive. I'm glad I waited until I was older to consider going into the military. I couldn't imagine being 18 and doing this. That would be akin to getting married right out of high school. Go out and make mistakes. Live a little. Wait until that whole "biological clock" starts becoming visable before you join the military. Somehow, we started talking about motorcycles, and one guy said, "About two years ago, we had a girl get run over by a schoolbus in front of my school." Ha! That was totally unprompted, too! I wonder who that could've been. When we got to the armory in Jeff City, we got all situated and relaxed in the test room, waiting for people to come in. This one army guy came in to see if one of his recruits had arrived yet, and his cell phone rang... ...to the tune, "It's A Small World." That struck me as funny. Big, tough Army guy has his cell phone on that song. If I didn't think he would have shot me, I would have laughed at him. So, I took the test. There were some semi-difficult questions. I know I completely bombed the mechanics section. And the shop section. I know how to put gas in my car and hammer a nail. That's. About. It. Despite my total ignorance of those things, I did pretty well on the test. Real well, actually. A perfect score on the ASVAB is a 99. Why it isn't 100, I have no clue. But I left the testing center with a big ol' 98! According to the military (and my mom), I am nearly perfect! Finally, someone thinks so! When my recruiter got my score, his eyes got pretty bright. Before we got back home, he took me out to lunch. He told me with my score that I will pretty much be guaranteed any position I want. And my massive weight will probably be overlooked. He does want me to get down to 200, though. Which will be harder than I thought. I've been dieting for the past 2 weeks. For the first time in my life, I am running. And I've been doing all kinds of push-ups and sit-ups. I thought I would have lost at LEAST 3-4 pounds. I stepped on the scale. I looked away so the giddyness of seeing how much I lost wouldn't make me jump up and down in excitement, thus ruining the scale. My recruiter said, "You now weigh... 211." Holy F'n SHIT! Not only did I not *lose* weight, but I GAINED two pounds! I should have just gone ahead and drank that beer and ate that hotdog at the game last weekend. Something's definitely wrong with my body. Oi. And speaking of military people... My Super-Kewl, Ex-Marine, Shot-in-the-Head-in-Vietnam Shakespeare teacher gave me the finger in class yesterday! And I'm not talking about the pointy one! The Bird! How kewl! I never thought I'd be flipped off by a teacher. In all honesty, he was just playing around with me. He was making a smart-ass comment to either The Retard or Super-Annoying Laughing Chick. And I called him on an error. Thus the finger. I laughed. He laughed. Annoying Laughing Chick laughed, though I think she was laughing at a piece of gum on the bottom of her shoes. The whole class laughed. Man, I wish I had this guy earlier in my schooling career. He kicks such major ass. But this is his very last quarter teaching at this school. He's moving to Oregon in May. Which prompted him to completely cancel our final. We are eating -- appropriately enough -- Shakespeare's Pizza on our last night. He said he doesn't want to spend his last weeks here grading papers. Hey... Don't ever disrespect someone who fought in Viet Nam, my dad taught me. Who am I, then, to argue. I am listening to my girl Norah Jones again. "Love" does not adequately describe how much I adore this CD. My heart is drenched in wine. I saw her on MTV or VH1 last night. I think it was VH1. MTV sucks too much to have anybody decent on there. She has a video out for the song that accompanies those lyrics, "Don't Know Why." This girl is one example of my perfect girl. I mean, look at that HAIR! Holy bajeezus! And in her video, it totally showed her hips. I'm a hip guy. This may sound a bit weird, but I don't know how I feel about seeing her on TV. She's one of those people who is too good to be turned into a video star. She's so much more than that. Whoa. I sound like a freaky stalker. But Alison Krauss is also that good -- in my opinion -- and her videos are great. Norah's video was spectacular -- don't get me wrong. But, I dunno. Maybe it's just me. Well, I am off. I need to call and see how my sister is faring. Oh. And she is having a girl, but has decided not to release the name until after she is born. Last I heard, though, she was considering the name Lila. Which I love. If she doesn't use it, I may steal it. Well, for my second daughter. I've already named my first daughter: Samantha Sienna. I like Sienna because she'll always have a shade of Brown in her name, even after she gets married. I also need to go run so I can gain some more weight. At this rate, I will be a super-fit 800 pounder. 9:35 p.m. - Wed., April 17, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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