mychai's Diaryland Diary

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I saw a lot of boobs yesterday. How was your day?

Nearly twelve hours ago, I sat down and wrote one of my best entries yet. I was even going to insert a picture. But as soon as I pressed the "submit" button, my browser suddenly decided it was a 15-year-old girl and said, "FUCK YOU, DAD!"

So. I lost my long entry.

Which is a bastard, because usually once I write something down, I simultaneously delete it from my mind. I have only faint recollections of what I discussed.

So, what you read below will be a cheap attempt at re-writing everything I wrote yesterday.

I got a lot done yesterday!

I woke up at around 9:30, excited and energized by the start of a brand new day. The birds were chirping. The air was fresh (although HOT. Damn, I hate summer), and I had one email waiting on me.

I lazily wandered to my computer, popped up my email, and saw it was from my bank. The email said something like, "Hey, JP! What's up, my man? You are looking fab today!by the way, you are brokeTell the family we all said hello! Cheerio!"

I tell ya what. It's no fun being reminded so early in the morning that your fantasy world in which you live 90% of the time doesn't affect the goings on of the real world.

So, basically... I'm broke until payday. Anybody wish to donate some money to the JP fund?

...

Didn't think so.

I tell ya... I'm a bit disappointed in Martha.

I had such a high perception of her personality and moral demeanor. It surprises the heck out of me that she isn't anything but perfect.

Oh... and one more thing:

</sarcasm>

So, after I got many of my bank receipts together yesterday morning, I finally cracked open my copy of Microsoft Money and typed in all of the information. Mostly to see where all of my money has been going. Because, frankly, I have no clue.

I guess I should start being responsible with my money, right?

Turns out internet porn -- surprisingly enough -- only takes 2% of my total spending!

I know! I couldn't believe it myself.

But the big surprise came when I realized just how often I go to the ATM. That kills me. That, and eating out. If I quit eating out AND going to the ATM every month, it looks like I will save $350 each month.

That would be like getting a whole half a paycheck each month.

That's like... a car payment!

Dammit. I hate being an adult. I've decided I will take out $100 a week as my "allowance" and spend only that. We'll see how that goes.

Oh. And no more internet porn.

SHYEA! Like that's gonna happen!

So, after I did all of the financial crap, the next item on my agenda was going for a run.

But by this time, it was noon, and very friggin' hot. But I am a dedicated bastard to the Air Force, and I went anyway. But in the heat of the noontime sun, you can only run about 100 yards before collapsing in puddles of your own vomit.

So, instead of running two miles, I settled on walking for four miles. I was packing my Camelback water jug thingie, so I didn't worry at all about getting too hot.

I did roll up my sleeves and let the sun do a little tanning on my arms: I am going home in a week and want to reduce the accusations of becoming a Yankee down to a bare minimum.

Compared with my Mississippi counterparts, I already talk like a Northerner. Add to the fact of being whiter than Jerry Lewis. I'm a marked man.

On my way to the walking trails, I passed by Dairy Queen and saw a bunch of really nicely shaped females wearing not much at all while squirting water and laughing.

Thinking it was just my overly fanciful mind, I passed by with not much thought. But on my way back, they were still there. And, on top of the fact that they were all still there, they were washing peoples' cars... FOR FREE!

Not one to keep a dirty car (if you knew me well, you would know how sarcastic that remark was...), I veered across two lanes of traffic, screeching my car into the nearest space. I was getting me a car wash!

And Oh. My. God.

The bikinis, man. THE BIKINIS. And the girls! But that wasn't important.

The important thing was that they were hot, sweaty, wet, and wearing the smallest, tightest bikinis I have ever seen. Boobs as far as you could see! Big boobs! Small Boobs! Boobs pointed at me. Boobs bending over, washing tires. It was heavenly!

The important thing was that they were very nice ladies earning money so their softball team could go to national competitions.

I think it was one of the colleges in town. Had to be. Girls didn't look like that when I was in high school. But then, I was a goody-goody in high school and didn't much stare at boobs any chance I got.

Yes, I am a Southern Gentleman. I didn't stare my whole time getting my car washed. As quoted by Jerry Seinfeld, "It's like looking into the sun: Quick glance, then look away!"

This next part may get my car egged again, but who cares.

I figure I've been with one lesbian in my past. Now that that barrior has been crossed, I might as well be with as many as humanly possible.

I came across this website that is seeking sperm donars for lesbian couples.

I personally like the big sperm separator right in the middle of the screen.

I showed this website to Jaki because of her fondness for sperm on websites. She noted the irony of a website called Man Not Included that is actively seeking out.... MEN!

But yes. In case you are wondering, I signed up so that hundreds of lesbians will take forth my Passion Seeds and push out little JP offspring.

It is the first step in having my DNA populating the whole world.

Ya know... My world domination plot. Pay no attention.

And I watched Bridget Jones's Diary last night. And, despite it being a total chick movie, I really, really liked it.

I think Hugh Grant is super kewl. I wish I was a cool as him. And Ren�e Zellweger is a total hottie.

I would LOVE to meet a girl like Bridget.

I will write more on the subject later. But for now, I must go. I am meeting a friend who is doing a research study for the university. She's going to insert large caliber needles into my belly button or something to that effect.

I will leave you with a picture from my one and only mancrush. If I could be anybody other than me, it would be this guy.

But he will finish today's entry with my feelings about everyone who comes here every day and reads about my life. I should say it more, but I don't. So, get over it. :)

10:16 a.m. - Thurs., June 27, 2002

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