mychai's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What line in this entry did I steal from Steven King?

I just bought Sheryl Crow's new album. I can honestly say that I got it for the music. Ok. I got it for "Soak Up The Sun" song because I've enjoyed hearing it for the past 3,849 times I've heard it on the radio last week.

That's why I haven't been updating as often. I be jammin'.

But when I opened up the CD and pulled out the cover, my jaw dropped. Sheryl Crow is probably the HOTTEST 40-year-old I have ever seen. She is definitely the only woman whose age begins with a 4 that I thought actually belonged in a bikini top.

All of this slobbering and fantasizing got me to thinking of other "older" celebrities I wouldn't mind seeing in a bikini -- even just to see if it revolted me or not.

So, here is a...

• Nigella Lawson. I got my TiVo to get a Season Pass of her cooking show, Nigella Bites, the very first time I saw it. Very few women actually make my chest feel like it is full of electricity like she does. And her motto does not help my sitation at all: "To achieve maximum pleasure through minimum effort." Lookee There! That is my motto also!
  
• Sela Ward. I tell ya... There is just something about girls with long, very dark brown or black hair. Add the fact that Sela is from my home state of Mississippi, and this makes her very irresistable indeed. Damn ABC execs. Can't tell a decent show from a fist up their asses.
  
• Kelly O'Donnell, of NBC news. There are a few things about her that really spark my interest. She's short, which I like. Her hair is winter fire, January embers. And she has a great bod. And I like it when she smiles. (Ok... is this getting weird?)
  
• Julianna Margulies. Though not old by any means, she is still 10 years older than me. Which, when one nears 25, gets to not be that much older. But I tell ya... Her hair pulls me in. I never understood the draw of blondes. I absolutely adore coal-black hair with fair complexions. She is one sexy woman, no doubt.
  
• Martha Stewart. Ok. Not really. In fact, she pretty much makes me wanna go cut off my "He-Man Sword" with a He-Man sword. A dull, rusty, jagged He-Man dword

There ya go. Yet another list for ya.

My boy Marcus sent me the funniest Delta radio ad I have ever heard. So, being the kind, generous soul that I am, I posted it on my own web space for all of your enjoyment.

Peep Delta. Hey... They gotchoo cuhvuhd like a jimmy hat. Shiiiit Dawg!

Which brings up an important point for all both of my faithful followers (Thanks Mom!).

I will be flying out of Kansas City on Tuesday, heading home for 10 full days. All of my trips home while keeping this diary have been pretty fun. There is a lot to write about in Mississippi. And since I am actually from there, I get to make fun of home peoples like I make fun of my family.

And Wednesday is the big dinner party I will be hosting for all of my dear Mom's friends. So, if I don't update much between Tuesday and Thursday -- you know, like usual -- it is because I am busier than a fly on a dog turd and not because terrorists took over my plane and crashed it.

Man...

It would be weird if that actually happened. They would post this diary on the Today Show saying how "spooky" it was that I predicted my own death.

If that happens: Hey, Katie... I saw your picture in the National Enquirer. You have a HUGE ass! Really! No lie!

Thank you.

And goodnight.