mychai's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Planters Peanuts Makes you Jizz I have a fan! I have a fan! Unfortunately, his name is Satan. Or Belzebub. Or, as his friends call him, "The Dev." Why do I know this little tidbit of information? I could say that, as I was in my bathroom combing the sexy hair and brushing the sexy teeth, I was discussing nasty-ass drinks with my sis and when I got to Bloody Maries, she suddenly went deaf. I had to repeat it three times -- loudly -- and then Satan came out of my mirror. Yes, I could say that. But you wouldn't believe me. So, I'll just lie and say that ever since I started back writing for this here diary, the quirkiest things have been happening to me. Something only The Dev could think up. Case in point: Yesterday, when I landed in Atlanta and had to find my flight to Kansas City, I took my time as I had over an hour and a half till my plane left Atlanta. So, I got me some Burger King. BK just don't taste all that good in an airport. But that's not my story. I find my gate -- as far down the corridor as you can possibly go -- I was tired. Your ole' bud JP is one lazy little bastard, and any walking further than, say, 100 feet is way too much for him. So, I sit down, consider doing some writing on a travel article I am doing for Trips Magazine. But I was too out of breath to take out the laptop. Plus, these two blond twins walked up and sat pretty close to me. Looked like Barbie. Those kinds of girls aren't my type to date (usually), but damned if I can't enjoy the view. Then, out of the blue, this 800 pound guy comes and plops right beside them. I knew they were just enthralled. Let me better describe this guy. You could tell there were several things missing from his psyche. He had that "Warren from 'There's Something About Mary'" look to him. He was wearing a swim suit. He had those eyes that looked like someone else (other than him) was looking back at you. And dude had him one helluva bag of peanuts. Know those Zip Lock freezer bags that would barely hold my manhood? Well, his held about 10 pounds of peanuts. And dude proceeded to open said bag and eat But he didn't just eat the bag. Nosirreebob. He had to do it in the creapiest way humanly possible. As he reached into the bag, he had this look of anticipation and excitement as he talked to himself. Then, he would put the handful of peanuts in his mouth, lean his head back, close his eyes, and smile as big as he could. Gawd, I wish I could jizz from peanuts. So, I watch him do this with every handful of peanuts for the whole bag. That, and I watched the Barbie twins. Especially since it was kind of cold in the airport. I get on the plane, notice that seat 26 is damn close... DAMN close... to the Barbie twins. Nope. They are on seat 24. Planters Boy was on seat 26. And he was just a-smilin' away. And I think that sitting on a plane seat made him just as excited about peanuts, because every time I looked over at him he was jizzing away. But I think the Barbie twins wanted me. I think I saw one of them looking at me. You know... I'm all hot and stuff and chicks dig me. Got back in the apartment at around 7:45 last night. It was surprisingly clean. Jackass actually cleaned before he left. Now I need a roommate. Anyone want to move to Missouri? And my first hit from the alumni posting I decided to do. Go look in the message board and see what she wrote. And sign it while you are there, dammit! It excited me that someone from my highschool days wrote in Ye Old Messageboard. I now don't feel as much anxiety about posting the address. But I still can't write about sex. People would talk. 6:03 a.m. - 2001-08-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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