mychai's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- They should let me write PSAs. There may be a lot of cursing and uses of the 'F' word in this entry. You have been warned. My fucking fuck-up of a fucking fuck roommate is REALLY PISSING ME OFF. Ok. That will be all of my cursing for today. Guilty conscience and all. If you are under age, you can uncover your eyes now. And to the overly sensitive... "get over it, bucko." What causes all of this anger towards an angel of a lady? My landlord called me today at work, at 8:06am. I know the time exactly because I was hungry. Every day, we get this business called "Food Wagon" drive by and open their doors to feed our hungry faces. Think an ice-cream truck full of different breakfast items, sandwiches, salads, drinks, and candy. Usually in the morning I get the Big Breakfast Bagel. It is a bagel cut in two and stuffed with sausage, cheese, and hashbrowns. Damn tasty, especially when you have been up since 4:00am and didn't get breakfast. Anyway, so the Food Wagon got to the station at exactly 8:06 this morning. I stood up, stretched, and started walking out when the phone rang. Like I said, it was the landlord. Supposedly, he and my aforementioned roommate had a meeting yesterday -- sans ME -- and made a lot of decisions about my money. You read that correctly, ladies and gentlemen. Two people had a meeting yesterday and decided that I would loan my roommate the sum of $200 so she could pay last month's rent. If this wasn't happening to me, I wouldn't believe it, either. So, I'm not blaming you for calling me a liar. And here's the kicker: If I don't lend her the $200, I will have to find a new place to live as soon as my lease is up. The punchline to that statement: My lease is up next Wednesday. What is even worse is that the roommate is looking for a new place to live. I have a very, VERY strong feeling that I will never see this $200 ever again. This is how I envision their conversation went: Landlord: I need last month's rent, and I need it NOW. For once, I would like to have the drama where two equally gorgeous girls want me as their gentleman caller. Instead I get fat-assed, pot-smoking, inconsiderate bitches to be my roommates. Remember Jackass, the last roommate? He still owes me a couple hundred dollars. I had a fly in my room today. Key word: HAD Until he landed on the side of my desk. I was able to move in vewy, vewy quiwetly and thump the living daylights out of the little flying bastard. He was still alive when he arched across my room and landed on the floor. I saw little birdies flying around his head. Just like in the cartoons. I felt a little bad for him because he was flapping his wings as hard as possible, but he wasn't getting anywhere. I got my tweezers out of the medicine cabinet, picked him up by one of his wings, and took him to my window where I opened the lid to a plastic container. I slowly lowered him down. Further. And Further. And Further, until the last thing he saw was the mouth of my Venus Fly Trap of Doom. I placed him in one of the traps, and sure as shittin'... FWAP! I now have a very happy Venus Fly Trap of Doom. And a not-as-happy house fly. They call me JP "Exterminator" Brown. I'll hit the touring circuit soon. Tomorrow is the big day that I walk the entire MKT trail. I will start early in the morning -- 7 or 8 is my plan. I hope to be done with all 9 miles by 1:00. Since I will be dehydrated and will have probably vomited up a few pounds, I will go to the recruiter's office and weigh in. He should be pleased. If you remember, though, this was one of my New Year's resolutions this past year. I wanted to walk the entire MKT. Tomorrow night, assuming I didn't kill any idiotic roommates, I will have seen that dream come true. That was pretty much my day. Nothing major happened at work. Except for missing breakfast. That, alone, would have caused me to want to take a bat to her knees. But I missed breakfast because I found out I had to liberate $200 of my own money to help out a pot head. They say marijuana is a victimless crime. That it doesn't affect anyone but the smoker. We are now alllll the wiser, now aren't we? 9:20 p.m. - Tues., July 23, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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